I've been having health issues. Lots of people do, but I'm a natural over-sharer. I would love to be the person who can look slightly grumpy or tired and just muddle through, but I'm somehow mentally not able to answer "Hi, how are you?" With an innocent, "oh, ok" instead of, "ugh, it's hard.". Even to acquaintances or people on the street.
So, everyone asks very kindly what's wrong, and more and more I wish I had a stronger self-edit in conversations. Just to be able to lie my way out of how things are feeling worse and worse and I can't seem to do much to stop it, except wait for more specialist appointments.
Your situation resonates, but in conversations there isn't a delete/back button, just a, "Tell me, how are you? How are the kids? How's that project?" ... IE, please talk about you -- please I don't want to think about the brutally awful situation I'm in any longer. Let's change the subject. You aren't going to like the mess over here.
I hope you are able to find something in life that is so exciting, you don't have an opportunity to show how hard it has been, and that you're just excited about whatever it is.
Sometimes (for me) hiding the truth from myself by not writing the words or speaking them aloud feels like the only thing holding back the darkness. And yet, not feeling seen cuts so deeply, and being misunderstood or judged in moments of unfiltered vulnerability can feel like trying to tend a wound with bleach.
We are all messy, we are all misunderstood, and yet practicing honest vulnerability is the most frustrating act of resilience, as it often can be met with initial resistance, anger, or trauma pile-ons. Remember that your AI buddy is not empathetic to your struggles, nor to what makes you human. And for we human readers, we see strength in the tightrope you are walking.
I hope you know, I'm not just being nice when I compliment your writing. Even the ending of this post, "And maybe this week, you don’t need the clean ending either" made me feel envy for your ability to be such a compelling writer.
I've been having health issues. Lots of people do, but I'm a natural over-sharer. I would love to be the person who can look slightly grumpy or tired and just muddle through, but I'm somehow mentally not able to answer "Hi, how are you?" With an innocent, "oh, ok" instead of, "ugh, it's hard.". Even to acquaintances or people on the street.
So, everyone asks very kindly what's wrong, and more and more I wish I had a stronger self-edit in conversations. Just to be able to lie my way out of how things are feeling worse and worse and I can't seem to do much to stop it, except wait for more specialist appointments.
Your situation resonates, but in conversations there isn't a delete/back button, just a, "Tell me, how are you? How are the kids? How's that project?" ... IE, please talk about you -- please I don't want to think about the brutally awful situation I'm in any longer. Let's change the subject. You aren't going to like the mess over here.
I hope you are able to find something in life that is so exciting, you don't have an opportunity to show how hard it has been, and that you're just excited about whatever it is.
Sometimes (for me) hiding the truth from myself by not writing the words or speaking them aloud feels like the only thing holding back the darkness. And yet, not feeling seen cuts so deeply, and being misunderstood or judged in moments of unfiltered vulnerability can feel like trying to tend a wound with bleach.
We are all messy, we are all misunderstood, and yet practicing honest vulnerability is the most frustrating act of resilience, as it often can be met with initial resistance, anger, or trauma pile-ons. Remember that your AI buddy is not empathetic to your struggles, nor to what makes you human. And for we human readers, we see strength in the tightrope you are walking.
I hope you know, I'm not just being nice when I compliment your writing. Even the ending of this post, "And maybe this week, you don’t need the clean ending either" made me feel envy for your ability to be such a compelling writer.